When someone you care about struggles with addiction, finding the right way to support them can be challenging, and the line between helping and enabling can become blurred.
If this is something you’re struggling with, you’re not alone. This article covers how to help someone with addiction without enabling their substance abuse.
Understanding Addiction
Addiction is a complicated disease that impacts brain function and behaviour, leading to an uncontrollable urge to use substances despite harmful consequences. Recognising the signs of addiction is the first step toward helping someone in need.
Common signs an addiction may have developed include (but are not limited to):
- Neglecting responsibilities.
- Withdrawing from loved ones.
- Using substances in dangerous situations.
- Feeling unmotivated with things that used to matter, such as work.
- Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not using (this can look like tremors, sweating, irritable mood, and pale skin).
- An overwhelming focus on obtaining and using the substance.
If you notice these signs or behaviours in a loved one, it may be time to consider intervention strategies.
Understanding the Difference Between Helping and Enabling
When it comes to a loved one’s addiction, knowing the difference between helping them and enabling them can be really difficult to distinguish between.
What is Enabling?
Enabling is when you do things that might seem helpful in the moment but actually allow someone with an addiction to keep up their harmful habits.
Sometimes, without meaning to, you might make it easier for them not to face the consequences of their actions. This could be giving them money, hiding specific details from other family members, which they might spend on their drug use or addiction, or making excuses for them when they make mistakes.
Enabling is tricky because it feels like you are helping, but it can actually make the addiction worse. It’s essential to know the difference between supporting someone healthily and enabling their harmful behaviours.
What is Helping?
Helping someone with addiction means doing things to support them and their entire family as they work on getting better. This includes being there for them and sometimes making hard choices to keep everyone safe.
Helping can be tough. You might need to set rules that stop harmful behaviours, such as not allowing specific actions at home. This is hard because you care about them, and it’s tough to see them upset. But these rules are essential to keep everyone, including the person with the substance use disorder, safe.
Practical Ways to Help a Loved One’s Addiction
If you’re feeling worried or unsure about how to help an addict without enabling, please know that there are many practical ways you can make a positive impact in their recovery journey without enabling.
Learn About Addiction
For someone who has never experienced addiction, it can feel really hard to understand. You may not fully understand why they can’t just stop. But addiction isn’t rational, and it’s a hard experience to put into a textbook definition, as every journey is unique.
So, the first step in helping is to educate yourself about addiction. Understanding the biological, psychological, and social factors that contribute to addiction will help you provide informed and compassionate support.
Resources can include websites, books on addiction, family therapy, or even attending open sessions of support groups dedicated to loved ones, such as friends or family members, who have a loved one in active addiction.
Encourage Professional Help
Seeking professional help to overcome addiction is almost always necessary. This can involve researching treatment options, offering to help schedule appointments, or even accompanying them to a consultation if they are open to it.
Professional treatment typically includes therapy, medication, and support groups, providing a comprehensive approach to recovery.
Set Healthy Boundaries
We know it might feel impossible, but setting boundaries is essential to avoid enabling and protecting your own mental and emotional health.
Boundaries might include not lending money if it may be used for buying substances or refusing to cover for their mistakes from other family members or close loved ones. Clearly communicate these boundaries with your loved one and be consistent in maintaining them.
Offer Emotional Support
Offering emotional support through listening and expressing care can be very impactful.
Show that you believe in their ability to recover and really emphasise that your support is based on their efforts toward recovery.
Avoid Judgement and Shame
Although you may feel angry and confused about the situation, it’s essential to approach your loved one without judgment and shaming. This is because these responses can drive an individual further into addiction and substance abuse.
Instead, try to focus on expressing concern about the consequences of their behaviours and the impact on their health and relationships. Avoid confrontational or accusative language, as it can lead to defensiveness and withdrawal. Listen actively, speak honestly, and express your feelings constructively.
Take Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with an addiction can take a big toll on the people who love and care about them. So, please don’t lose sight of how important it is to also take care of your health and well-being.
This might involve seeking support for yourself through therapy or support groups, practising self-care routines, and ensuring that you have your own support network.
How to Handle Setbacks
- Prepare for Relapse: Relapse can be a part of the recovery process. It’s important to understand that relapse isn’t a sign of failure but rather a hurdle in the ongoing journey of recovery. Preparing for the possibility can help you respond effectively if it occurs.
- Respond to Relapse: If relapse occurs, address it by encouraging the person to speak openly about what led to it. Discuss what changes might be needed in their treatment plan and support them in getting back on track. It’s essential to balance your response between support and maintaining necessary boundaries to avoid enabling.
- Adjust Boundaries as Needed: If a relapse happens, it might be necessary to adjust the boundaries you’ve set. This might mean taking a firmer stance on specific behaviours or revisiting the terms of your support. These boundaries must help the addict face the natural consequences of their actions, thereby promoting responsibility for their recovery.
Reach Out for Support Today
Helping an addict without enabling them is a delicate balance of support, compassion, and tough love. By understanding the nature of addiction, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, and providing emotional and practical support, you can make a positive impact on your loved one’s journey to recovery.
Remember, although you can offer support, ultimately, the commitment to recovery must come from the addicted person. If you need support, please get in touch with our team today. We offer free, confidential advice to family members or loved ones who need help helping someone who is struggling with addiction. Call us today on 01908489421 to find out more about how we can help.
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