There are many types of harmful behaviour that can affect the people around a person with an addiction, including manipulation. This article covers the topic of manipulation in addiction and what that can look like, with examples of what to look out for.
Understanding Manipulation in Addiction
Addiction is a complex condition that affects behaviour in a number of different ways. The National Institute on Drug Abuse says addiction is characterised by “compulsive drug seeking and use despite adverse consequences” and that it involves “functional changes to brain circuits involved in reward, stress, and self-control”.
They will often engage in behaviours that are harmful – to both themselves and to others – in order to continue using the drugs or alcohol they are addicted to. This can involve lying, stealing and, in many cases, attempting to manipulate those around them in order to continue using and/or avoid addressing their substance misuse issues.
While such behaviour can often be seen as an attempt by the individual to ‘get what they want’, it might also be driven by motivations including desperation, , denial, shame or fear of withdrawal.
Here are several signs of how people in active addiction may manipulate loved ones…
1. Lying and Deception
Dealing with lies can be very difficult for partners, parents, children and other loved ones to deal with. The individual may lie for a number of reasons.
Sometimes, deception may be part of an attempt to obtain money for drugs or alcohol, but a person in active addiction might also lie in an attempt to avoid confrontation or consequences. This will often involve denying the extent of the problem, and they may well be in self-denial as well.
2. Playing the Victim
People living with an addiction will often try to claim that their addiction and related behaviour is anyone’s fault but their own. They may use what they see as past trauma, financial hardship, examples of unfair treatment and other situations or circumstances to gain sympathy and avoid accountability.
In some cases there may be an element of truth to some of the claims. Difficult situations, surroundings, early life experiences, stress and mental health issues are all recognised as potential drivers of substance misuse and addiction. There is a big difference, however, between being self-aware enough to recognise some of these factors and using them to avoid responsibility and excuse harmful behaviours.
3. Guilt-Tripping
Addicts may use guilt in an attempt to shift blame or justify their actions. In many ways, this is related to playing the victim, but in this case, the addict attempts to lay guilt on a particular person. Examples could involve the addict claiming they wouldn’t use substances if they had more support or making loved ones feel responsible for their addiction. Again, there may be valid points for discussion (ideally in a controlled environment such as family therapy), but guilt-tripping is a manipulative strategy that is often used in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is not new, but it has become more widely recognised in recent years. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation and psychological control in which victims are deliberately and systematically given false information that leads them to question reality, often involving themselves.
Addiction and gaslighting are linked because the individual will frequently use denial and deception to make others around them doubt what they know to be true. This could involve denying drug use despite clear evidence or accusing loved ones of being paranoid. Gaslighting may be used in an attempt to avoid having to face up to their substance misuse and its consequences.
5. Promising Change Without Action
Many people who are in active addiction will deny that they have a problem, but even when it becomes undeniable, they may fall into a pattern of making repeated promises to seek help or stop using substances.
If no real effort follows, this may be seen as a type of manipulation and words without action can become a cycle that enables continuing addiction. The individual who has an addiction will say (and may even feel) that admitting to a problem and expressing concern about it is enough while never taking that extra step towards actually dealing with it.
Note that this is very different from actually trying and failing to deal with addiction. This may happen repeatedly, especially without expert advice and treatment.
6. Financial Manipulation
An addiction can be very expensive to maintain while also hampering the ability to earn money legitimately. Individuals with addictions may frequently try to borrow money (that is unlikely to be repaid), fabricate crises or use emotional pressure to gain financial support. It can be difficult, but it is important not to enable substance misuse and addiction by providing money that ultimately goes towards drugs or alcohol.
7. Threatening Self-Harm or Extreme Actions
There are many types of emotional manipulation in addiction, but threatening self-harm and other extreme actions can be among the hardest to deal with. Other dramatic statements and threats could involve leaving a home or relationship, all in an attempt to prevent those around them from setting effective boundaries and addressing the drinking or drug use.
How to Respond to Manipulative Behaviours
Recognising manipulation in addiction is an important step, but it can still be very difficult to deal with. It is important that boundaries are set in place and that manipulative and abusive behaviour is not tolerated. It can be a balancing act to offer empathy and support while remaining firm on boundaries.
It can help to have options available for getting professional help. For example, this could involve a guided intervention or simply encouraging the person to use a helpline or contact a support group. If they are serious about seeking help and turning their lives around, a comprehensive addiction treatment programme or rehab could be their best option.
Reach Out for Support
It’s important to remember that, while addiction is a disease, enabling manipulative behaviours can prolong substance abuse, as well as put the people around them at risk of harm.
If you or a loved one are struggling with addiction and its effects, including manipulative behaviour, get in touch today to find out how we can help.
